Re-brand a football club – f*!k yes

Today, Hull (owner Assem Allam) announced that they were rebranding the club “Hull City Tigers” and it struck me we could have some fun here.
I love the fact that he says “… City is irrelevant. My dislike for the word ‘City’ is because it is common….It is about identity. City is a lousy identity”. So true, take note Small Heath. Wait a minute, there’s a rebrand option for the scum already, Scum City – there’s another one.
He goes on “City is also associated with Leicester, Bristol, Manchester and many other clubs. I don’t like being like everyone else. I want the club to be special”. Well you can’t get more special than Aston Villa, totally unique with history that should never be wiped away by some marketing guru.
So what new club names might we have for clubs out there? The more derogatory the better.
Arsenal – No Where to Fucking Park FC
Liverpool – Job Centre Plus
Sunderland – Mussolini’s SS
West Ham – Ann Summers 11
I’m sure there is better out there. Let’s have some fun.

82 Comments

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  1. Sir William
    Sir William August 9, 2013 at 8:03 pm . Reply

    How about Glasgow Loan Rangers or Wolverhampton Wonderers.
    Nottingham Florists
    Norwich Special Recipes
    Bristol’s

  2. Rotterdam82
    Rotterdam82 August 9, 2013 at 8:24 pm . Reply

    Small Heath yo yo’s….theyr’e going up, theyr’e going down!
    🙂

  3. Mike oxlong
    Mike oxlong August 9, 2013 at 9:04 pm . Reply

    Edit: (Badger/anon)

    Sorry, that’s not allowed.

  4. Mike oxlong
    Mike oxlong August 9, 2013 at 9:05 pm . Reply

    Edit: (Badger/anon)
    Nope: while I understand the sentiment, in that it’s just a joke, that’s not alllowed either.

    You can post derogatory stuff about other clubs (within reason): that’s fine.
    Any hint at race is not acceptable though.

  5. streetlyvillan
    streetlyvillan August 9, 2013 at 9:11 pm . Reply

    Spurs – Hot Tottie

  6. Naughtius Maximus
    Naughtius Maximus August 10, 2013 at 3:09 am . Reply

    on a less jovial note owners of clubs, especially foreign ones are starting to worry me aside from this guy at hull there’s the Cardiff city owner who has decided his club will now play in red as their home kit and primary colour because he doesn’t like blue and red is lucky in south east Asian tradition of some sort. so the bluebirds now play in red and there’s not a dam thing anyone at Cardiff can do about it.
    (this is absolutely true btw, no joke)

    1. Vaze
      Vaze August 10, 2013 at 10:04 am . Reply

      It is something that is a real concern.

      Could you imagine next season’s kit being royal blue because it’s Randy’s favourite colour.

      There has to be a sense of tradition, and chicken farmers or hairdressers can’t just come along and mess things up.

  7. Sir Earl Barratt
    Sir Earl Barratt August 10, 2013 at 9:33 am . Reply

    I know this isn’t the right heading for this but I’ve awoken to the news that Paul Lambert is finally waking up to what myself, oohaah and others have been saying for months that Ron Vlaar isn’t good enough and he’s about to be dropped and stripped of the captaincy. (article in the Mail online) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2388150/Aston-Villa-captain-Ron-Vlaars-future-club-thrown-doubt.html
    I really hope this is true as I cannot believe he never got stick for saying he’d leave if we went down just as we were in the middle of a relegation fight. Lambert is obviously unimpressed with what he’s seen in the friendlies and pre season and fancies Okora. Who’s getting the armband if it’s true?

    1. Vaze
      Vaze August 10, 2013 at 10:02 am . Reply

      I’d be happy to see Delph get the armband, could be the making of the lad.

      That said, it’s probably seen as something as a poison chalice after the last captain’s season.

    2. OohAhPaulMcGrath
      OohAhPaulMcGrath August 10, 2013 at 10:03 am . Reply

      My thoughts exactly Sir Earl iv put my 10 cents worth on other post. Best news iv heard all summer. I was right about dunne and right about Vlaar you were one of the only other posters that saw the light. Agree with u about him not getting stick about wanting to leave either if we went down. Just what you want to hear from your most experienced player and captain in the eve of the biggest game of the season. The guy is a complete waste if space hopefully lambert will sell him and get another ch in.

    3. Foxy
      Foxy August 10, 2013 at 11:59 am . Reply

      I’d like to apologise for sounding like a broken record but Westwood. He’s as certain of a place in midfield as Guzan is between the sticks and Benteke is up front.

  8. Vill4M4n
    Vill4M4n August 10, 2013 at 10:04 am . Reply

    Very obvious but true…;. Birmingham Shitty!

  9. Sir Earl Barratt
    Sir Earl Barratt August 10, 2013 at 10:07 am . Reply

    I’ve been quite optimistic about the coming season and this is now making me more so. We’ve been crying out for a manager that sees a problem and does something about it quickly irrespective of the repercussions if it’s in the best interests of the club. I agree with Vaze as I like Delph but would it see him more determined and thus picking up more stupid yellow cards in the first 5 minutes of each game? UTV and keep the good news coming!!

    1. Rotterdam82
      Rotterdam82 August 10, 2013 at 1:12 pm . Reply

      So you dont want a midfielder and captain to be ‘more determined’ lol… You do spout some bollocks mate…. Thats one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard lol 🙂

      1. Sir Earl Barratt
        Sir Earl Barratt August 10, 2013 at 1:43 pm . Reply

        I like delph and he always gives 100% My point being that he’s already often reckless and has had to go 85 minutes on a yellow so is the captaincy likely to make him more vulnerable. He’s no good as a captain if he spends half the games suspended. Perhaps determined was a wrong choice of wording my apologies R82!

        1. Rotterdam82
          Rotterdam82 August 10, 2013 at 1:50 pm . Reply

          Lol… Agreed mate. More controlled is what he needs to be. Good player in there IMO!

  10. Naughtius Maximus
    Naughtius Maximus August 10, 2013 at 10:20 am . Reply

    i read this article too although i wouldn’t take much heed to it as 1)its the daily mail and daily mail sports at that and 2)the article seems conspicuous by the absence of any direct quotes from anyone or any evidence of any kind at all.
    im no fan of Vlarr personally, what i saw last season did not impress on many occasions, admittedly he had a very, very inexperienced defence around him but still he was often found wanting.
    it will be very interesting to see the starting line up today as i believe this will tell us more about our team than the daily mail.

    1. Sir Earl Barratt
      Sir Earl Barratt August 10, 2013 at 2:17 pm . Reply

      Vlaar named as skipper i believe. The factthat Bent was skipper then frozen out keeps my hopes alive though. UTV

      1. OohAhPaulMcGrath
        OohAhPaulMcGrath August 10, 2013 at 3:48 pm . Reply

        Playing well going fwd but vlaar and Luna look very dodgy defending. Against arsenal we will pay. Looks like the same as last season great going forward but shit in defence. If we are 2-3.0 up with 10 mins left we will never feel safe with a defence that selfs destruct

  11. anon3
    anon3 August 10, 2013 at 12:29 pm . Reply

    I understand why many don’t rate Vlaar, but when you read the statistics about our defence, the facts are that he was our best defender in pretty much every area.
    That’s not saying a fat lot, I know, but on that basis, I’d give him another go.

    I totally agree about that interview he gave though; simply very poor judgement and I’d guess those comments have played on Lambert’s mind. We all know the manager wants players who are 100% behind the cause, so it wouldn’t surprise me if the story has more than a hint of truth to it.

    As for any new captain, I wouldn’t be unhappy with Delph or Westwood.
    Gabby would also be ok with me, as would Benteke if he’s totally committed to the cause, although I’d have doubts about the communication. Probably a non-starter though, if as we suspect, he’ll be off next season.

  12. MarkDraperNumber8
    MarkDraperNumber8 August 10, 2013 at 1:16 pm . Reply

    Carruther out on loan to MK Dons.

    1. anon3
      anon3 August 10, 2013 at 1:19 pm . Reply

      Was just about to say the same, but you beat me to it.
      Should be good experience for him.
      I do like loaning our kids out as it’s much better than them playing in the reserves imo.

  13. turv32
    turv32 August 10, 2013 at 1:43 pm . Reply

    I would make Guzan captain simples

    1. anon3
      anon3 August 10, 2013 at 2:49 pm . Reply

      Not a bad call that; he’s certainly vocal enough.
      But I’ve never been that convinced about goalies being caps, as they’re not where the action is for most of the game (hopefully :-))
      I much prefer midfielders myself.

  14. Rotterdam82
    Rotterdam82 August 10, 2013 at 1:44 pm . Reply

    I agree to a point about Carruthers. The downside his that he will have to adjust to a different culture of football as well as a different way of playing and training. This means when he comes back and is neededfor first team action it will be harder for him to readjust.
    Swings and roundabouts…BTW, I’m not sure that football in league 1 is much better than our reserve league!

    1. anon3
      anon3 August 10, 2013 at 2:55 pm . Reply

      I would hope that the training would have been discussed between the clubs to check suitability.
      The style of play is a good point, but I just feel the competitive edge is lacking in reserve footy. You can’t beat the promotion/relegation thing for giving games a real edge, is my point.
      League 1 still provides some very canny old timers who know a few dirty tricks etc, where hopefully he’ll learn a few things 🙂
      I certainly can’t see it doing him any harm.

  15. Naughtius Maximus
    Naughtius Maximus August 10, 2013 at 3:05 pm . Reply

    vlarr starts with okore.
    luna and tonev starting too and almahdi

  16. Naughtius Maximus
    Naughtius Maximus August 10, 2013 at 3:16 pm . Reply

    tekkers!!!!
    this guy is truly the real deal!
    UTV!

  17. Badger123
    Badger123 August 10, 2013 at 3:16 pm . Reply

    Benteke you beast!
    Makes it look easy again!

  18. markdrapernumber8
    markdrapernumber8 August 10, 2013 at 3:17 pm . Reply

    The composure of Bentekes goal just now was unbelievable, different class

  19. Badger123
    Badger123 August 10, 2013 at 3:24 pm . Reply

    Vlaar good header from a Tonev cross 2-0

  20. markdrapernumber8
    markdrapernumber8 August 10, 2013 at 3:24 pm . Reply

    2-0 Vlaar, corner

    We have started this superbly

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